stop right now, thank you very much.

I never thought I'd feel 'too old' to be at a show, and the Spice Girls proved me wrong.
Nothing against them. They can still sing, they lost their baby weight, and I literally kept my eyes on Geri the whole time just to see how the other girls treated her and watched about 2 hours worth of hostility between them. It's obvious they are sick of each other, not getting back together ever again (Casinorama in 20 years, maybe?) and that even after 47 shows, x-amount of countries, and all the girl power you can possibly imagine...their 15 minutes are officially over.

That being said, the teeny bopper not so hidden in me sang her heart out to every single song, laughed as I realized a lot of the younger girls didn't know half the songs yet considered themselves die-hard spicegirl fans... although they were in diapers when the spicegirls began, and TOTALLY busted out 'i'll tell you what i want, what i m'fuckin want.. so tell me what you want, what you motha fuckin' want' during Wannabe.

RADICAL, DUDE!

the church of hot addiction

Friday night. Guitar Hero. No biggie... I needed a fix. I can't go too long without it. Had been going cold turkey for a few days due to being overworked and way underpaid and somehow coming home to a wireless controller gave me a warm fuzzy feeling of 'hey, you're home now... relax, grab some dinner, riff it up'... sigh....

And as always, exhaustion won't let me win for too long and as it creeps up behind me, I find myself drifting away from the fretting and the riffing and the raging...

So the system is down, and the tv is on.
Nip/Tuck is on. A show I know nothing about and had never even caught a commercial for..but man... it's amazing... it's got everything you need to hook you and keep you hooked...
and then it got me to thinking about Dexter... and How I Met Your Mother... and even America's Next Top Model....and every single retarded addiction to television we have as a society...and how we feed on fake scripted shit...

and then... I flip the tele to the news.
FIRST two seconds having tuned in and this is what I hear...

Girl Violence
7 girls ages 12-16 arrested in London, ON
gang style swarming commited by girls
19 yr old girl and her 15 yr old brother attacked
youngest attacker was 12.

What the fuck is wrong with us?
People, wake up and smell the fucking coffee. You don't do this shit to others.

Here's my open letter to girls all around the world, past, present and future:
Grow some balls.
Use your words. Better yet, shut the fuck up and stop making a fuss about even the air you breathe.
You're not above everyone, you're not above anyone. Karma comes back around tenfold.
End the useless drama, get your shit together, appreciate the fact that people of the opposite sex even give a shit to look or just stfu altogether.

In fact, take an example from these girls... epic winners at life.

time goes by so slowly for those who wait

but alas, the waiting is not in vain... a response comes. and it is as subtle and vague as the person itself, but brings the same relief and comfort as the acquaintance itself.

and it's all over. the asphyxiating feeling of not knowing how all those numbered, unencumbered words will be interpreted... subsides.
everything is alright, at least for now. no harm done. no sweat. we probably gave it way more thought than we should have in the first place. maybe honesty is the best policy after all.
sure, there's no outcome, but there are also no winners or losers...
the word is out. and now we play the other waiting game, except this one is slightly more amusing and less trauma inducing.

try honesty

you know when you pour your guts out to someone who couldn't give a rat's ass what you think?

it feels fantastic.
it's easily the most half liberating half suffocating feeling i think i've ever experienced.

secret's out. it's out there. load off your shoulders.
a bulimic outpour of emotion so incoherent and rushed and real.
everything you ever wanted to say every time you felt like saying something comes out in this rant, mixed in with about another thousand words that you wish you had said more of when you did have the chance.

you can't breathe knowing you just emptied out every single thought in your brain about this person. you have absolutely no idea in what context the person will take the words you've so very carelessly written. will it end whatever was already there, will it do this, will it do that.
the questions that run through your mind are ridiculous and absurd at best, but haunting, draining.

no turning back. what's done is done.
now it's time to play the waiting game........however many days, months, years that takes.
honesty can't be held against you forever, can it?

but that's what's just so fucked up about us as people. we freak out about petty things and we stop eating over people and we lose weight over people or we gain weight over people.
we sit by the phone for hours waiting on people. we sit at restaurants for an hour longer than we should getting stood up by people thinking they're just running really late.
we break up with people then try to convince ourselves that they're everything they really can never be. not because we're stubborn, but because the light in which we see that person and the idealistic picture we have of that person is so much easier to accept.
then we cry ourselves to sleep for weeks over that person when that idealistic picture is shattered and we realize we cannot make someone be something they aren't.

that's us. we do all that. every day. every hour of the day someone does that.

and as soon as you think you've convinced yourself that you'll never let it happen to you again.

you're right back where you started.
suck it up, princess*. that's the story of love.

* mad kudos to my favorite baron for continuously popping into mah brainz whenever i use that phrase.