try honesty

you know when you pour your guts out to someone who couldn't give a rat's ass what you think?

it feels fantastic.
it's easily the most half liberating half suffocating feeling i think i've ever experienced.

secret's out. it's out there. load off your shoulders.
a bulimic outpour of emotion so incoherent and rushed and real.
everything you ever wanted to say every time you felt like saying something comes out in this rant, mixed in with about another thousand words that you wish you had said more of when you did have the chance.

you can't breathe knowing you just emptied out every single thought in your brain about this person. you have absolutely no idea in what context the person will take the words you've so very carelessly written. will it end whatever was already there, will it do this, will it do that.
the questions that run through your mind are ridiculous and absurd at best, but haunting, draining.

no turning back. what's done is done.
now it's time to play the waiting game........however many days, months, years that takes.
honesty can't be held against you forever, can it?

but that's what's just so fucked up about us as people. we freak out about petty things and we stop eating over people and we lose weight over people or we gain weight over people.
we sit by the phone for hours waiting on people. we sit at restaurants for an hour longer than we should getting stood up by people thinking they're just running really late.
we break up with people then try to convince ourselves that they're everything they really can never be. not because we're stubborn, but because the light in which we see that person and the idealistic picture we have of that person is so much easier to accept.
then we cry ourselves to sleep for weeks over that person when that idealistic picture is shattered and we realize we cannot make someone be something they aren't.

that's us. we do all that. every day. every hour of the day someone does that.

and as soon as you think you've convinced yourself that you'll never let it happen to you again.

you're right back where you started.
suck it up, princess*. that's the story of love.

* mad kudos to my favorite baron for continuously popping into mah brainz whenever i use that phrase.